


for him.

by pandon



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Journal, M/M, Pining, Post-Canon Fix-It, eddie is alive, mature rating is for the bit where they are adults, this does reference them as children but not in a sexual way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:53:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23474959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandon/pseuds/pandon
Summary: Post events in Chapter Two, Eddie is alive and they have been together as a couple for two years. Richie finds an old journal where he got poetic about Eddie when they were younger, so he decides to add a few newer entries.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 5
Kudos: 32





	1. 1.

**Author's Note:**

> this is short and i might add to it someday, but for now enjoy the little bits that my brain wanted to get out tonight

1989-1990

Oh, my sweet brown eyed boy  
The one whose laughter has always been my reason for speaking  
The reason I can never seem to close my mouth  
I’m always trying  
Always trying to get your attention  
To make you notice me  
Even if it’s only to have you shout and stomp your foot  
I love you more when you’re passionate  
When you’ve got flailing hands and a furrowed brow  
When you look at me with a murderous glare  
That always fades to a resigned grin  
And then one that rings more true  
Finds its way to your eyes  
And makes fireworks burst in my chest

The way he looks at me when I say something stupid. The way his mouth turns into a thin line and his brows knit together. The way his nostrils flare. The way his hands make those karate chop motions. The way his mouth moves so quickly that sometimes I wonder when he takes a breath. The way his cheeks turn pink when he has to use his inhaler. The way the freckles across the bridge of his nose and his cheeks seem to multiply in the summer months. The way his hair looks when he wakes up in the mornings, before his mother has made him tame the slight waves. The way he sounds when his voice is soft with sleep. The way he reaches for me during a sleepover when he has a bad dream. The way he smiles at my dumb jokes when he thinks I’m not looking. The way he makes my heart jump into my throat and butterflies explode in my stomach when he smiles while I am looking. 

Today I scraped my knee and you were the first to rush over, to ask if I was okay. You took my hand in yours and looked at me with such concern on your features that it made me feel like I might need to borrow your inhaler. Your hands were so gentle as you patched me up, the sting of the alcohol completely lost on me as I watched the way you chewed on your bottom lip. You always do that. You always take care of me. You always take my breath away.

2018

Oh, my handsome brown eyed man  
The one whose bravery and tenderness still astound me  
The one who threw himself in front of certain death to save me  
I will spend forever trying to repay you  
I’m not sure what I can offer  
But I hope that my love will be enough  
Yours was enough to save me  
But then again, it always was  
You’ve been saving me our whole lives  
Even when it was just sharing a hammock  
Or dragging me to the kitchen to put ice on my black eye  
I love you more when you’re breathing  
When you’re alive and staring back at me  
With eyes that shine with life and mischief  
Your heartbeat is my favorite sound  
The sound of life thumping in your chest  
Insuring that my own will have the strength to beat for another day

The way he looks when he’s fresh from a shower, when his hair is still wet and untamed, the way he walks out wearing only a towel slung low on his waist. The way the water droplets run down his chest, the way he smiles at me when he catches me staring. The way he laughs when I crack a crude joke about him being naked and near me, the way he tears off his towel and launches it at my face. The way his eyes crinkle when he _really_ smiles, not from age, but from all of the smiles I’ve been lucky enough to have directed at me for all these years. The way he curls around me in bed at night, the way he’s always warm and solid behind me, the way he still reaches for me when he has a bad dream. The way I can still get under his skin with the same dumb jokes, the way his nostrils still flare, his eyes still glint with murder, his lips still press into that tiny line. The way it all still melts into affection, like it always did. The way his voice sounds when he tells me he loves me, when he’s trying to be quiet in the mornings and gently wake me for the coffee he’s brought to bed. The way his big brown doe eyes can still earn him anything in this world that he wants from me. The way he smacks me in the back of the head, calls me an idiot, and then follows it with a hard kiss, the way he makes me feel like an equal and adored. The way he makes me better, braver, stronger, kinder. The way he loves me back, _finally_.

Today we did some day drinking and made out on the couch for hours. I climbed into your lap and rode you until I rubbed my shins raw from fabric burn. We laughed about it and put our session on hold, because even as an adult, you can’t pass up a chance to treat a wound. Your hands were so much stronger now than they were the last time you had them on me like that, but they were gentle like always. I’m older now, old enough to stand the burn of alcohol, old enough to even get stitched up without wincing, but you were still so tender and cautious. Still checking in with me, making sure I was aware of every step, making sure I was prepared for the sting of alcohol that once again, was lost on me. My eyes were trained on your face, the way you furrowed your brow in concentration, the way the crease between them softened when you looked up at me through your lashes and told me to take a picture, it would last longer. Some things between us have changed over the years, some have not. Today you sealed my bandaged wounds with a soft press of lips, then smiled at me so wide that it made my heart skip a beat. You always do that. You always take care of me. You always take my breath away.


	2. 2.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more entries!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so it looks like I'm going to expand this after all :)

1989-1990

And then there’s you.

You, with your fanny pack. And your second fanny pack.   
You, with your Disney character eyes. And the way they make me weak.  
You, with your hypochondria. And your insistence that we all stay clean and safe.  
You, with your high-pitched shriek when I throw mud at you. And the way it makes me giggle with delight.  
You, with that laugh I know you reserve for me only. And your soft smile that only comes out when we are in the dark of your bedroom.  
You, with your stupid cute face. And the way that I’ll never get it out of my head.

The Miss America of cute boys. 

Eddie got his cast off today. I went over to visit him after his doctor’s appointment and once his mom was finished treating him like a baby, I convinced him to go outside and get some sun on that pale little arm. I didn’t know it would look like that. So fragile. I hate when Sonia treats him like he’s going to break, like he’s made of some kind of precious glass. Eddie is so much more than her little doll to play with and keep hidden away from all the fun of the world. I want to sneak him away from her. I want us to run away and never look back. I would keep him safe. I would.

You called me crying last night. You had a nightmare. You said the clown was back and we were underground again and you were the only one left. We were all gone. You were alone. You said you couldn’t breathe because you woke up in the dark. I’m sorry you’re scared of the dark and I’m sorry I can’t be there to take your hand when you wake from a bad dream. I would be there every night if I could. I never want you to feel alone or scared. You should never have to be alone. Maybe I’ll sneak in through your window sometime. I don’t know how to ask you if that’s okay. But I want to be your hero.

2018

And then there’s you.

You, with your Fitbit on your wrist. And your obsessive checking of your heart rate, like the damn thing is going to beat out of your chest or something.   
You, with the scars on your cheek and torso. And the way they represent two of your bravest moments; two times I almost lost you.  
You, with your fancy Versace suits. And the way you look better in them than any model to ever grace a runway.  
You, with your expensive and elaborate coffee maker that could probably fly a plane if I knew which button to press. And the fact that you bought it just for me, since you don’t even consume caffeine anymore.  
You, with your smooth, deep late night voice that’s so soft and warm. And the way it feels like you’re wrapping me up, holding me with more than just your arms.   
You, with your scratchy and irritated morning voice. And your eyes that are always in juxtaposition, always showing me how much you love waking up next to me.  
You, with your breathtakingly handsome face. And the way that I’ll never have to forget it again. 

The Miss America of handsome men.

Eddie pulled a muscle in his bicep today. I took him to the doctor after we both got dressed and came up with a cover story for how it happened. Can’t exactly walk into the doc and announce that you pulled a muscle while furiously jerking off your boyfriend during sex. We laughed about it all the way there. The sound of his laughter will never get old. Knowing that he’s grown so much from the little boy with the cast on his arm all summer, that he’s now a man who (mostly) takes an injury in stride, makes my heart melt. I’m never going to stop being proud of him. Of his bravery. Of his strength that he doesn’t even know he possesses. Eddie is so much more than the times he falters, the times he has a moment and freezes. He is so much more than his fears and his allergies. He’s not weak, he doesn’t _need_ me to take care of him. But I will keep him safe. I will.

You reached for me last night, tears streaming down your face and voice thick with fear. You had a nightmare. You said the clown was back and we were underground again and I was floating. I was floating and you couldn’t get me down, you couldn’t fight back, all you could do was stand frozen on the spot. You couldn’t save me. You said you couldn’t breathe because you woke up in the dark and you couldn’t see me. I reached behind me and turned on the light, then I held you close and looked into your eyes, making sure you could see that I was very much alive. I will be here every night, I will always be within arms reach when you have a bad dream. I will never leave you alone. Because you saved me. You didn’t freeze. You will never be alone, Eds. I don’t float, I stay anchored here with you. Turns out you’re my hero.


End file.
